Trying to move past things.

Life here lately has been chaos, we moved back to Indiana to be with my husband Neal's family, we are currently living with his parents while looking for a place of our own. I am attending school, and i work at gamestop part time. Here lately i have done a lot of thinking about life in general because some things have happened that has made me question everything. My best friend decided she wanted to "dump" me, Respect the Breast is no longer mine, and i am just having a seriously hard time in life. I have been struggling with some things that i am afraid to just come out in the open and talk about because i am still coping with everything that has happened to me and my family in the past 4 months. I think i have come to the conclusion that i do not want to try for another child again any time soon, i don't think my heart could take it if i were to lose yet another child. I am not mentally ready for a pregnancy either nor are we financially stable enough. There are a few of my "friends" that are pregnant or have just had a baby and here lately its like every time i see a post from them my heart sinks, and i get so very jealous because they are getting what i want out of life and i see it to be so unfair. Especially when i know some of those people will not care for their child as a child should be cared for, women who are crack heads getting pregnant and going through a pregnancy perfectly fine and me being a good person, a good mother and a very clean person just cant. It is unfair. I just want to sit and cry and scream when i see people who, i think, do not deserve children being able to have them and then care for them poorly. It breaks my heart. I am dealing with a lot right now and i'm trying really hard not to fall into old habits because of depression. I know i'm depressed because i just don't feel like i am myself anymore. i am not interested in hanging out with friends, doing my normal hobbies, or anything i just want to sit in my bed forever, and never leave. I just wish life would get better, and stop snowballing down hill so fast, i feel like im drowning.