The Results are in..

So a few months ago i was writing about how i was going to several doctors for my heart and to figure out why we cannot conceive. Well, Here is the news we received...

The Heart Doctor told me that the heart palpitations are being caused by stress and eating unhealthy. So, he told me i may need to seek therapy for the stress and start eating right. 

The Gynecologist told me that i have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Which is causing my infertility, moodiness, hair loss, insulin resistance, and probably the heart troubles. The day i found out its like i couldn't breath. I want more children so badly! I cant believe that they can just give you a prognosis like that and tell you that in order to get pregnant again i would have to have fertility treatments. They did several blood draws, ultrasounds, and some other tests to confirm that it is in fact PCOS. 

All of this bad news is weighing on my heart. I want to have more children with my husband so badly. We have been trying for 1 year 1 month 2 weeks and 5 days so far. I just hope that God will bless us with one more healthy little child. I wanted a big family, but i may have to settle with a small family. That doesn't bother me at all, its just i feel like i have been stripped of my womanly capabilities. God made us woman to procreate and create life. So, why did he just take that from me? I feel as if i have been robbed! Our little girl Sophie is 2 years old. Shes growing so fast and i really miss having a little baby in the house. I miss nursing a child, cuddling with an infant sleeping on my chest, I miss being pregnant and looking down at my belly just wondering what the child will look like.. will they have my eyes? my noes? maybe their daddy's chin?.. I want it so bad. But i refuse to take fertility treatments because the side effects are awful and can cause an onset of many problems, and it increases your risk of cancer. I already have a high risk of cancer because of my condition and because of my family history. I just do not know what to think anymore. I feel as if it couldn't get any worse, but deep down i know it can.